Slippery Slope Of Judgement

Posted by writer on September 22nd, 2008 at 11:50am

What is it that makes us look down on someone or ‘think we are better than’… even for a minute? Have we seen life through their eyes? Do we have even an inkling of what life looks like from their perspective?

These were questions I had to ask myself, as I realized I had fallen down the slippery slope of judgment. In hindsight, I can laugh. I took my lesson, learned this fundamental personal 
leadership quality and… the outcome is not one I will soon forget!

It was during my ‘hippy years’. You know those days of peace, love and rock n’ roll. My motto was ‘live and let live’ and that in itself makes my quick ability to judge that much more ironic. Undoubtedly it was time I learned a lesson.

Having just moved out of a religious commune, I headed north to visit one of my brothers. I loved him dearly and hadn’t seen him for a few years. We were to enjoy a couple of wonderful days together catching up. He was an actor and I was looking forward to seeing the theater production he was acting in.

After his performance on the Saturday night we were going to a party with his fellow actors. It was the birthday of one of the girls from the cast, and about 40 actors and crew members were meeting to celebrate with her.

It was a rather energetic group of revellers, and the Greek restaurant we descended on seemed ready for them. More prepared than I was! My life had been very low-key over the past couple of years and I was pretty much a teetotller. The refreshments of choice going around the table were definitely not tea. I chose a seat near the end of the tables, satisfied to mostly stay out of the action.

The party gained volume and energy for a number of hours… eating, drinking, and certainly being merry, and the end of the night was drawing close. It was kind of like a final party trick when this big drunken actor got up and took the center of the floor. He couldn’t be missed… weaving and wearing a blazing grin plastered beneath his big bald head, and making more than his share of noise. Really not a guy you’d take home to your parents. He was just steady enough to balance a tall stack of plates in one hand, while he held a single plate in the other. The Greek restaurant tradition of breaking plates was definitely on the program. He started smashing down through the plates… crack, crack, crack. The ceramic fell all about him and skidded across the floor from his drunken stupor.

He had broken all but a final single plate. After a dazed look of bewilderment, an even more audacious and stupid grin came upon him. He quickly thrust the plate over his head, and smash… down it came onto his naked skull. Somewhat dazed and now with a crooked smile, a little stream of blood let loose running down the side of his face.

I gazed at this performance with disgust… certainly judging him and thinking he was an idiot. Even though I obviously thought I was better than him, I didn’t feel good. I was ready to leave the party.

The following day my brother and I reviewed the party. He told me then that this drunken guy was one of his dearest friends. He had cancer and had been undergoing chemotherapy, hence the bald head. He’d been soldiering on, determined not to let it interfere with his career.

Even though he needed a daybed in the theatre for rests between his performances, he was not giving up. The party was an opportunity to let loose, knowing he was among understanding friends.

Well… he had been mostly among friends that night. I admitted that I was the one who had been the idiot, not him. The judgments fell away. My understanding opened and I sent out compassion, acceptance, and caring. This felt like a relief. I was offering something meaningful.

It was about 10 years later that I again crossed paths with this man. I had moved to the city my brother lived in, and as they were friends, we met. Over the coming weeks we found ourselves many times at the same social outings, brunches, and theatre productions. We
discovered that we actually shared a lot in common, and quite liked one another. In fact, we really liked one another.

About a year and a half later, in the style of the true gentleman I now understood him to be, he asked my father if he could take my hand in marriage.

Certainly, I could vividly recall the evening in the Greek restaurant, just as clearly as I could remember who the real idiot had been. This gentleman was an utter gift to me. One that I would have definitely overlooked if I had remained blindly in judgment. Fortunately I took a chance with the belief that he was a loving human being.

Within the year we rejoiced at our wonderful wedding in a park in the Rockies, and the reception… certainly not at a Greek restaurant!

Whenever I feel judgment glazing my view, it’s a powerful reminder for my personal development. It’s time to ask what it might be concealing. What is it blinding me to? What are the treasures, if only I can see through the haze. They’re there… waiting.

Tags: belief, leadership quality, Personal Development, self improvement

Under General